Sunday, March 28, 2010

Slightly obsessed...

Alright...I've become slightly obsessed with searching, finding, and reading other Navy wives opinions about life in the Navy. Seriously...I can't stop myself. I look for new blogs to read, I join walls on facebook, I talk to almost complete strangers all in an effort to...I don't know... I guess fill an emotional void I have in my life right now. Or at least find out how other women fill the void. I mean....I can't be the ONLY Navy wife in the whole world that is struggling right now...can I?

I came across this post on one of the blogs I have recently started reading. It's funny...because it actually mirrors something I have been feeling lately, AND something my Home Teachers brought up today during their visit. As most of you know, my husband is underway right now, and of course my HT's wanted to know where he was. When I told them he was at sea, they were both really surprised that he had not been allowed to stay home because I am so close to my due date. I told them I was actually grateful that they were out now, because it would allow him to be home for the birth... ( provided I don't go into labor before he gets back!) which of course is MAJOR. But, since neither of my HT's are in the military, that lead the conversation in the direction of other things I find difficult about "being in" the military, and then one of them said " But really, you have to realize all the benefits you get from being in the military and how good this experience is for your husband."

The thing about it is...I DO realize how much being in the Navy really has blessed my life. I mean...for one thing, and really the most major thing, is that I'm not sure Erick and I would be married if he hadn't made the decision to join the Navy. I remember being really impressed when he told me he was joining, by the type of commitment it took to join the military. It showed a level of maturity I had not seen in him in the four years I had known him, and it allowed my eyes to be opened a little to the potential of him as a husband.

And marrying Erick was the best, most inspired decision of my life. I think that's where it gets so difficult for me as a Navy wife. I can deal with long work hours, and bosses who are dishonest and only there to take care of themselves. We'd get the same thing in the civilian world. But I LITERALLY feel like 1/2 of myself has been torn away when he leaves, and I am forced to function as a mother, and a father, a sister, a friend, all while walking around as an incomplete person. So the Navy has both given me, and frequently takes away, the biggest, most important blessing of my life. And that's a contradiction I find hard to swallow sometimes. :)

But...I don't want to be one of those whiny military wives that other people really can't stand to be around! And almost everyone I've read about and talked to are so...just... positive about their life in the Navy. So what can I do? How can I show my gratitude for the lifestyle that my husband and I live right now, when I'm hurting in my heart and it's hard to see past that?

I don't know...that's something I'm going to work on I think. :) I'm hoping it will help to not be pregnant and hormonal. :) Also...I know it's gonna take a little strength from above, and I have faith that Heavenly Fathers knows me, and knows what I need to make it through, and if I rely on him anything is possible.

Until next time,
Jen

5 thoughts:

trish kaze said...

I hope you don't mind me butting in here, I don't know how you completly feel because I haven't had to deal with what your going through yet. But i know my time will come and i will feel the same way. I'm so used to having Josh around that I would probably be a mess with out him. On the positive note, Jen you are a strong person even though you think your not your doing a great job. I can only imagine how you feel without Eric but it's going to make you guy's grow closer. Heavenly Father doesn't give you anything you can't handle. I try to tell myself that when I'm depressed about things or things aren't going the way i would like them to go. You have been an inspiration to me when I have to go through the same thing pretty soon. By the way, it's okay to cry when you need to. It's good to let it all out. Your not being hormonal your just being a wife who misses her husband who isn't home much. In the end, it's going to make you a stronger person. I will talk to you soon. -Trish

KK said...

Hey! Thanks for coming by my blog! I do'nt mind if you link or anything to my blog, I put myself out there in hopes to relate to others. How long have you been here in CT?

I look forward to reading your blog! Feel free to find me on facebook my e-mail for it is kkrowan@gmail.com

Katrina said...

Hey Jen, your doing just what Heavenly Father wants you to do for now... there is no greater Calling then to be a MOM, and a wife supporting her husband. And YOUR not ALONE....take it from a woman who has walked in your shoes... I am so proud of you dear Daughter.... talk to you soon. Love you....

Debbie said...

Hey Jen,

Its me Debbie from SC, I happened to stop by your page and read your recent posting. I can really relate to it because I live it. Patrols suck, but they also teach you a lot about yourself. They make you face situations on your own and you learn how strong and capable you are. IF it wouldn't have been for patrols I would not fully realize how capable I am of doing and facing many things on my own. Anyways, know you are not alone and I will be praying for you.. :)

Jac said...

I have been there also, Jen. Not the Navy...but the army for 10 years. Weeks and months of separation. I have traveled alone to Germany with two kids ages 1 and 3, and then back to the states alone with three kids ages 5, 3 and 1 and being pregnant with number four and with seven pieces of luggage! I remember the hard times, and the lonely times, but never once have I regretted the experiences that we gained as family and that I gained from moving around the world, making new friends, learning to trust Heavenly Father to help me cope and in the process learning a lot about my strengths and weaknesses. It is hard when we are going through it, no question about that. Keep blogging, I am sure you are helping other military wives to cope. I love you!