Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Take a deep breath...how would you want to be treated?

So I definitely avoided the blog universe yesterday. I KNEW there was going to be post upon post of all the wonderful things husbands have done for their wives on Valentines Day. And there was going to be post upon post about how every woman out there is married to the best man in the universe. Don't get me wrong...I know we all really feel that way, and it's true. We are all married to the perfect man for us.

But I know my husband. He IS a very romantic man. And he likes to make big romantic gestures. You would think that deployment would be the perfect environment to foster creative romantic gestures. Unfortunately, as many of you know, the work up period before deployment is very demanding, leaving little to no free time. And then...to complicate things further for the poor man, I control the budget. He can't spend any money without me knowing about it. ( Don't judge, it works for us :))

So...I wasn't expecting anything like a bouquet of flowers or chocolates. I've only gotten one bouquet the whole deployment, just before Christmas. They were beautiful, and my favorite flower...but even that small gift was only because my SIL had the forethought to call and ask Skunky if there was anything she could help him with to give me while he was gone. ::sigh::

What I was expecting was an e-mail. And I was right on time to get one....the man has emailed me faithfully every other day for the past 4 weeks. There has only been one time when it's gone longer then two days in between emails, and he wrote and told me that was because they had training and on the day he would have emailed me and he was so tired he just passed out.

Silence. That's what I got for Valentine's Day.

Here is where I find I am at war with myself. Because 1/2 of me is really pretty annoyed that he literally did not pay enough attention...probably slept through even...the time frame that would have given me even a short note that said " I love you. And I'm thinking about you on Valentines Day."

And the other 1/2 of me says....Jenn, the poor guy is doing nothing but working 24/7. He can barely date his emails when he sends them. You really expect him to pay attention to a day like Valentines Day?

The more I've examined it....no, I'm not upset that he was too busy to write me this weekend. I do understand how hard he is working, and how mentally (and emotionally) drained he is, after nearly 5 months at sea. What I am actually upset with is that he failed to plan ahead. I guess that is something I'll have to bring up with him when he gets back!

Of course...I get a message today that there is going to be a mail drop. There are ALWAYS mail drops when I'm annoyed with him. And I have to sit there and struggle through my annoyance to write him a nice letter! Does anyone know how hard that is?!? And today I was finding it particularly hard. So I scrapped the progressively angry letter I was writing, took a deep breath, and said to myself " Jen...if you were on the boat, what would you want to receive?"

Both of our birthday's are at the end of March. And I wasn't planning on sending any more care packages because we're close to the end and I don't know that he'll get it. But...I decided to do it. KK at Navy Wife, Navy Life had a really good idea to make a "birthday in a box" and I decided to make my own rendition. I didn't take a picture...lame I know. But the contents were very similar to hers. Cupcakes, and sparkly candles. Peanut butter M&M's. Happy B-day banner, napkins, little blow horns, small bouncy balls, Phineas and Ferb b-day cup. His favorite kind of pen ( seriously...he's nuts over them!) and Batman fruit snacks. Stuff I wouldn't exactly be too bummed if he didn't end up getting the box, but stuff I knew he'd be thrilled about if he did get it. I found a hilarious card, decorated the inside of the box like a party, then sealed it up and sent it. I also sent another, more sentimental b-day card to the mail drop as a fall back in case he doesn't get the box.

Soooooo...I had a lesson in overcoming my own, slightly selfish, impulse of " why doesn't he ever think of me??" in favor of trying to make the end of this deployment a little more bearable for him....

Have any of you ever wanted to scream at the top of your lungs " why don't you ever think of me?!?!?" but didn't? How did you deal?

until next time

6 thoughts:

Undaunted ~ My Life One Day at a Time said...

I expect he thinks about you more than you know, it's just the execution that gets muddled. :)

I know when I am feeling neglected by Marc, I try to talk to him. I know you can't talk to E right now. You should write him a email or letter about how you feel without any of the anger. Just how your heart hurts when you are feeling left. You don't even have to send it but when he gets home you will be able to articulate what you where feeling now.

Hopefully that will help you pour out your hurt without making it harder for him right now while he is out. It is always hard for us wives to not feel left, even when our husbands are home every night. Just hang in there and continue to give him a break.


housewife said...

I applaud you for not being self absorbed:) I know it's hard to be nice to people when u can justify they don't deserve it and "why do I always have to be the bigger person". just think how much more awesome you are going to be next deployment:) love u! A lot. Like...really:)

Navy Princess said...

Oh Jenn... I am willing to bet you will eventually get a Valentines email from him. They take forever to get to you once he sends it. They have screening processes to go through on both ends. It is tough, Andy has been out to sea every year for my birthday when he is on a sea tour. I subconsciously expect something every year, but it comes late and until this past year he hasn't planned ahead. This year we were lucky and he left just before my birthday and sent out cards which took 6 days to get to me. It was sweet, but it took almost 6 years of marriage and several underways and deployments for him to figure it out. Hang in there girlie... the ride is almost over. ((hugs))

Nicky said...

You're so sweet for managing to turn the upset around so well. I know exactly what you are feeling though. My boyfriend didn't do anything for me for Valentine's Day. Or Christmas, or my birthday. He tells me that he's here with me physically & that he doesn't need a "day" to show his feelings for me. I've anaysed my feelings a lot over this, & have realized that I don't need any gestures to make me feel important, but it's the other way around - it's a matter of how it makes me feel when certain days come and go & his ignoring them makes me feel unimportant. It's tough dealing with the emotions from that, so I know what you were feeling. Hopefully he'll think ahead a little next time & just manage a small gesture that will mean so much to you :)

Nana S. said...

Bless your heart, Jen. Way to go !!! He will soon be home, hang in there.

Stacey said...

Hooray for you that you were able to push the hurt aside and do something so sweet for your man.