Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Mommy and the military

McDancer formally resides at McDancing Through Life and I have really enjoyed getting to know her through her blog! I have found her to be really optimistic, and has an affinity for all things Irish, much like me! ( I wish I was Irish!!) She and her husband have a young son, and I was curious to know what her take on being a mom married to the military was. Here are her pearls of wisdom, enjoy!

First of all, I am so humbled to have been asked to write for Jenn while she is enjoying some homecoming bliss! She posed an interesting question to me, what is the most important thing I have learned about myself as a mom with a military husband? Immediately I thought of this quote:

Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
A.A. Milne

I think that it is an excellent representation of what I have learned about myself.  Sometimes it can feel like I’ve given up one life and its goals in order to be a part of this world, but truly I’ve found that I have just evolved and quite frankly, I am proud of the person I’ve become. In the time I have been a military spouse and mom I have learned some lessons. I really think these apply to all MilSpouses, not just the parental variety, but they are particularly relevant to all you moms {or dads} out there.

*Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
This does not make you weak; it only makes you human. When my husband and I found out we we’re expecting it was quite the surprise. Moving home during the deployment seemed like the most logical option. This is not always the best for everyone, but it’s important to acknowledge that everyone is different. Moving home enabled me the security and comfort I needed to get through the time my husband was away. I was able to reconnect with friends and allow my son extra loving from his grandparents. While grandparents don’t replace a spouse, they help shower your child with extra love needed. For some, asking for help is as simple as finding someone who will watch their kids for an appointment. The biggest thing to remember is that you don't have to be supermom; it's ok to ask for help.

*Don’t wish away the days.
It can be so hard not to focus on that date in the future when your spouse comes home, but it is so important not to wish away the time. It’s true you miss that time with your spouse, but you don’t need to miss it with your child. Be present. Appreciate the special bond you can create while your spouse is away. Just because you are enjoying your time with your child does not mean that you don’t miss your spouse; you’re just making the best of a tough situation.

*No news can often mean good news.
It can be hard to wait for letters, e-mails, or magnificent phone calls. The times of silence can be nerve wracking and lonely, but if something is truly wrong, if your worst fears are realized, you will know right away. In those horrible stretches of silence, no news is in fact good news.

*Change is a way of life.
I don’t always deal well with change, but being a mother to a toddler and adding the uncertainty of MilSpousedom to that, it can be stressful. My mantra has become, “Let Go, Let God” or for the less religious one, “It will all work out in the end” {notice how much I love quotes ;) } I’ve learned there is no point trying to force things to stay the same. Change can be good as long as you don’t fight it and you learn from it.

The greatest thing I have learned is that I am a wife and mother. Yes, the military lifestyle is different and at times difficult, but every path in life has it’s obstacles. You can either rise above them or let them consume you. I learned through moving, giving birth, and raising our son for 7 months that I am strong, proud and never, ever alone.

1 thoughts:

Nana S. said...

Enjoyed your positive thoughts .... they hold true in all aspects of life. I particularly like the A.A.Milne quote. It is so true. And the "let go and let God" will carry anyone through whatever the worst of times may be.