Slightly obsessed...

Alright...I've become slightly obsessed with searching, finding, and reading other Navy wives opinions about life in the Navy. Seriously...I can't stop myself. I look for new blogs to read, I join walls on facebook, I talk to almost complete strangers all in an effort to...I don't know... I guess fill an emotional void I have in my life right now. Or at least find out how other women fill the void. I mean....I can't be the ONLY Navy wife in the whole world that is struggling right now...can I?

I came across this post on one of the blogs I have recently started reading. It's funny...because it actually mirrors something I have been feeling lately, AND something my Home Teachers brought up today during their visit. As most of you know, my husband is underway right now, and of course my HT's wanted to know where he was. When I told them he was at sea, they were both really surprised that he had not been allowed to stay home because I am so close to my due date. I told them I was actually grateful that they were out now, because it would allow him to be home for the birth... ( provided I don't go into labor before he gets back!) which of course is MAJOR. But, since neither of my HT's are in the military, that lead the conversation in the direction of other things I find difficult about "being in" the military, and then one of them said " But really, you have to realize all the benefits you get from being in the military and how good this experience is for your husband."

The thing about it is...I DO realize how much being in the Navy really has blessed my life. I mean...for one thing, and really the most major thing, is that I'm not sure Erick and I would be married if he hadn't made the decision to join the Navy. I remember being really impressed when he told me he was joining, by the type of commitment it took to join the military. It showed a level of maturity I had not seen in him in the four years I had known him, and it allowed my eyes to be opened a little to the potential of him as a husband.

And marrying Erick was the best, most inspired decision of my life. I think that's where it gets so difficult for me as a Navy wife. I can deal with long work hours, and bosses who are dishonest and only there to take care of themselves. We'd get the same thing in the civilian world. But I LITERALLY feel like 1/2 of myself has been torn away when he leaves, and I am forced to function as a mother, and a father, a sister, a friend, all while walking around as an incomplete person. So the Navy has both given me, and frequently takes away, the biggest, most important blessing of my life. And that's a contradiction I find hard to swallow sometimes. :)

But...I don't want to be one of those whiny military wives that other people really can't stand to be around! And almost everyone I've read about and talked to are so...just... positive about their life in the Navy. So what can I do? How can I show my gratitude for the lifestyle that my husband and I live right now, when I'm hurting in my heart and it's hard to see past that?

I don't know...that's something I'm going to work on I think. :) I'm hoping it will help to not be pregnant and hormonal. :) Also...I know it's gonna take a little strength from above, and I have faith that Heavenly Fathers knows me, and knows what I need to make it through, and if I rely on him anything is possible.

Until next time,
Jen

FRG, Sub Ball, oh...and life goes on as normal!

Once again...its about a week since my last post! Better track record then my former posting I agree, but not quite up to where I'd like to be. My goal is to post at least twice a week, with hopefully something REALLY interesting and delightful to read! Of course my family and friends are interested in what I write, but they're biased. What about being interesting to other military wives out there who are looking for someone who understands their situation to connect to? That's the audience I'm finding it hard to write to. So then I stall....and get mad at myself for stalling. :) And the circle goes round and round until I finally get my butt on here and post something. It's my process I guess. So maybe I shouldn't complain about it. :)

I miss my husband tonight. Who am I kidding, I miss him desperately every night. But what I mean is...eh...I guess I always have this point mid-way of whatever underway is going at the time that I really just get tired of being alone. (And I assure you, length does not matter! It could be five days, it could be five weeks! I haven't had to deal with five months yet...but, like clockwork, at mid point I get depressed!) It really makes me curious and a little bit nervous about what our looming deployment is going to be like. BUT I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it!

I've been getting a lot of emails from our boat FRG lately. (For those of you unfamiliar with the term, FRG stands for Family Readiness Group, and is basically what the Navy Wives Club turned into when it started having to accommodate male spouses of deployed sailors.) I haven't been to an FRG meeting since November. I wanted to go to the last one earlier this month, but unfortunately my husband, who SWORE he'd be home on time, of course was assigned some task that kept him on the boat until 930pm and I missed it yet again. The reason I mention this is because...when I started going to the FRG, my goodness was it disorganized! But, then again we had just gotten and new Ombudsman and things were all in a jumble. But now it looks like they're getting their act together, and I feel slightly compelled to get involved! For instance, recently my husbands boat won an award for their cook staff, so the whole galley staff is going down to Virginia for a week next month and they won't be serving food on the boat. So the FRG is doing a fundraiser where they'll be selling baked goods and pizza to the sailors, on the pier mind you, for lunch one day during the week. And I'm like....huh, spend a few hours on the pier, feet away from my rarely seen husband who will hopefully surface long enough to atleast have lunch with me? Sign me up!!! LOL I'm insane I know. If I could only find a baby sitter for little L... :)

In other news, I'm also getting ready for the Submarine Birthday Ball, and I'm actually really excited. It's a big year this year...the 100th birthday I think, so of course, in the Submarine Capitol of the World, they're getting ready for a big time bash! AND...I have thus decided to MAKE my dress. (You try to find a modest, formal dress fit for a 9 months pregnant woman!) So I have taken on the task of making this...


Into this...

Of course, I can't do anything without totally changing everything until it no longer looks like what it was originally. :) The dress is only 1/2 done at this point. It's going to have sleeves, out of that same zebra print with a black cuff, and the belt that is on there right now is coming off, due to having tried on the dress and I am extremely dissatisfied with it's placement above my chest ( as the pattern calls for) making the whole dress take on a very "mu mu"-ish feel to it. INSTEAD it's going to have a WIDER black belt that goes all the way around my body and sits comfortably under my chest, but above my baby bump. :) I'll post more pictures when it's complete. :)

Other than all of that...life goes on as normal. L drove me a bit crazy today. She's always a force to be reckoned with, but today...today was a " mommy is putting you to bed a 1/2 hour early because she can't deal with it any longer" type day. :) Hopefully tomorrow she'll be a bit more chill, so I can actually get some house cleaning done, and not feel like nearly so much as a slob as I feel tonight!

Alright, I've been putting in a few too many late nights recently, ( underway induced insomnia with a pinch of 3rd trimester uncomfortableness thrown in just for kicks ) so I think I'm gonna sign off for now. Hope y'all have a great night!

Until next time,
Jen